Old Habits

Do you ever feel like you’ve begun to make progress in your life: better coping mechanisms, a good support system, more knowledge and experiences, but then life hits, and you fall back into those old habits? It’s interesting, that even as we begin to heal from our old wounds and find better ways to cope, that there is these almost automatic responses when we face new challenges. The good news is this doesn’t mean all the work we have put in goes to waste, but what it does mean is that we now have a better ability to recognize those old habits and utilize the new tools we have learned. I think the big question is, how do we move past those automatic responses and begin to use the new tools we have to begin with?

I think the most important part of healing is self-forgiveness, which let’s be honest, isn’t all that easy. We tend to be our greatest critic - the first to question our ability or strength, or the first to assume we deserve what is happening. But how can we move on to the next step if we continue to feel shame, hate, or frustration with ourselves? I believe a big part of self-forgiveness is recognizing that we make the best decisions based on the tools and information we had at the time. Who we were yesterday isn’t exactly who we are today. Every day we wake up and make a determination to work towards being the person we want to be in itself is a victory.

I think the first step to self-forgiveness is to simply acknowledge when we overcome a challenge or how we respond to a situation differently than we have in the past, no matter how small, we take time to own that victory. While sitting in traffic, did you respond differently to a rude driver than you usually do? Great, celebrate! Did you just get off the phone with a family member who usually triggers a negative feeling, but this time you were able to end the call in a better space? Awesome, take time to acknowledge your growth! The truth is, we tend to exhibit the growth we have been working towards in those day-to-day experiences more often than we recognize. So I say, let’s take the time to recognize and acknowledge them!

Transformation doesn’t happen as quickly as we want, healing and growth just take time. Self-forgiveness may take time, but it is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves. While on the journey to self-love, remember that even the smallest moments of self-forgiveness carry us through life. Most of us tell the people in our lives that we love them, so next time just take a moment to tell yourself. As silly as it may sound, try it, see how you begin to see yourself with more forgiveness.